So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
