That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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