Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
