I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
