I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
