That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
