Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
