Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
