Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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