Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
