So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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