its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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