this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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