jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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