I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
