After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
