11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
