My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
