Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
