brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
