Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
