i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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