Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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