Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
