jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
