I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
