hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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