it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
