If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your cock deserves a montage
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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