so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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