She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
