i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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