awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
