Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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