Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so let's talk penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
