Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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