also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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