I should be sponsored by Trojan
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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