who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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