I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
