last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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