i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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