If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
