I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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