i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
