I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
