Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize