Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
