Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
