I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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