My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
