sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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