why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
