therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
