I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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