I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
