Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
