Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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