I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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