ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
