I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
