Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
