His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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