Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
