you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
