I'm so fucking centered right now
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
not ubering you a puppy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
