OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
