a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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