this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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