So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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