My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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