Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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