I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize