yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
