the condom got lost in my hair
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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