I wish I could teleport
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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