also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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