Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
