It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
