No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
