Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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