She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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