Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
