: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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