I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
