Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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