Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
