Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
